Written for COM 110 during spring semester 2017.
By Oliver Fischer
May 5 2017
Marriage and money make people happy, but children have the opposite effect according to Daniel Gilbert. “Rather than turning to our mothers for wisdom on where happiness can be found, we should turn to science,” Gilbert said.
Gilbert, a psychologist and Harvard professor, talked about the science of human happiness to Elon University students during Spring Convocation on March 30 in Alumni Gym. Humans turn to culture to seek answers on happiness, but this doesn’t work because these theories aren’t based on evidence. Gilbert said that scientists have been asking if they “can use the tools of science to find out what really makes people happy.”
Children are widely considered to be the one of the biggest sources of happiness. In reality, they actually make parents miserable. The birth of a child causes more unhappiness than the death of a partner. “People with children are the least happy when their children live with them,” Gilbert said.
After the first child, happiness plummets. Women are affected the most by children. “In every society, even the most egalitarian, women do almost all the work,” Gilbert said. 17 percent of women with children are depressed, a figure that doubles when they also stay at home.
This doesn’t mean that all parents hate their children. Scientists view the world from a different perspective that does not apply to everyone. “From my point of view, my child was the greatest source of happiness in my life,” Gilbert said.
When Gilbert asked the audience whether they believed that marriage leads to happiness, a small number of people raised their hands. “Married people are happier than single people in virtually every western democracy,” Gilbert said. “In fact, in the unhappiest year, married people are still happier than single people in the happiest year.”
However, the happiness benefits from marriage wear off over time. Gilbert said that the benefits “probably last somewhere between 15 and 25 years.”
As men approach a divorce, they become unhappier than women do. “Women initiate 75 percent of all divorces,” Gilbert said. For men, happiness rebounds after a divorce. “If you are in a marriage that’s at least good enough not to get divorced, you will get a happiness benefit from it,” Gilbert said.
Small amounts of money also lead to happiness. “I don’t know of a single study in economics that ever showed anyone becoming sadder when you increased their wealth,” Gilbert said, but “the relationship between money and happiness isn’t simple.”
After people earn a certain amount of money, it no longer makes them any happier. According to Gilbert, the amount at which people feel like they have enough money is always about 25 percent higher than what they earn. To achieve happiness “the real answer is about 65,000 dollars,” Gilbert said. “That’s not rich. This is what Bill Gates leaves in a tip.”
Spending money on the right things is also important for achieving happiness. Instead of spending money on material goods, it should be spent on experiences. “Our experiences are a source of joy for long periods of time,” Gilbert said.
Finding joy in things can turn into jealousy when people compare what they have with others. Gilbert said experiences are better investments.
Gilbert said these finding are averages, but individuals can still find children rewarding. For instance, they make older or widowed people happier. Gilbert said that “there is almost nobody in this room that is the average person on earth.”
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